i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
