also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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