so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize