i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
