Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
