So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i need some magic done to my vagina
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
