If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
