You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I touched a dick in church today
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
