i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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