last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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