i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
