I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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