WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize