I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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