Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
All the doctor said was why
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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