I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
