you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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