Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm always down for nudity.
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