Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize