Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
