I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
