How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
