I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
