How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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