it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
