you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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