yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
