none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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