If that was your dad, he is hot
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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