Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
