3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
