also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
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and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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