I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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