hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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