ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
