yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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