it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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