Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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