I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
