I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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