I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
