dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
