haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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