This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
