i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
