I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
