I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just had sex on a roof
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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