I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am available for nakedness
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
