I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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