Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
