We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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