And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
