??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
