i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
