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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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