My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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