I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
