i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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