That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
