I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
