So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
