I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
