Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize