Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she peed on how many people?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
