we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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