you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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