Tell her she can't have a vagina
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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