Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize