he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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