Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
