Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
