I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He kissed a someone with a penis
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
