Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
