who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
