Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
