The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I fill condoms, not promises.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
