Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
