are you still at the devil's house?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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